Ambiguous

The meeting at the coffee shop had left me irritable and moody. Thankfully, Jeremy’s mom, Annabelle, was more than willing to meet with me. She drove through the light snow and icy roads to the Pancake House where I sat at the same table, tapping my silverware on the salt and pepper shakers with agitation.

“Hey!”

I could see the apprehension in her eyes as she unwrapped herself underneath the layers she had carefully put together before trekking out into the harsh weather just to console an emotionally distraught woman. I decided to try my best to hold it together.

“Wasn’t tonight your meeting with…”

I had looked back down to my hands, resumed my clinking of silverware and shakers when Annabelle had entered. I was afraid to look at her, afraid the tears would come and I knew she was much like me, crying women made her uncomfortable. I couldn’t blame her.

“Yeah, it was a bust.”

Despite my struggle to keep the tears at bay, they spilled out over my bottom lids anyways.

“Oh, Hun, I’m so sorry. What happened?”

“I mean, she wanted to know the truth, so I told her.”

“The truth about what exactly?”

I sighed and ran my fingers through my long, dark, wavy hair.

“About everything. She wanted to know about my childhood.”

“I see.”

Annabelle pushed her own curly red hair out of her heart shaped face.

“Well, sometimes the truth hurts. But it doesn’t mean that we hide it.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“So what happens now?”

“I don’t know, she said she made a reservation at the Lotus Hotel for a couple of days if I want to see her again.”

“And do you think you would like to see her again?”

“I mean…”

It was hard to know what I was thinking, what I was feeling. I wasn’t really thinking or feeling anything other than that I wished this meeting had gone differently. I was hesitant to meet with my mother again. What would I say that could change the way tonight had went? That could change the way the past couple of decades had turned out? I felt as though I needed to build a wall to protect my heart. I didn’t want to hurt, especially over someone I didn’t even know. I had a lot to think about.

“Well, Hun, you know I’m always here to listen and you know how I feel about you won’t ever change. No matter happens in life, you can’t just get rid of me that easily. Just take your time with your mother and think about what you would like to do, how you would like for things to go. Everything will fall into place.”

Later that night as I lay in bed I wondered what my mother was doing, what she was thinking, what she was feeling. I wondered if our meeting had changed her mind about wanting to get to know me or whatever her goal had been.

Written in response to the Daily Post.

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